A whole new stART

Even though I strongly dislike the word “artist” I can’t deny that I am one. At least I think that is what people like me are called.

I always drew as a kid – like a really young kid. But I lost my passion for drawings and paintings as the wish to become a doctor kept growing inside of me. Then a little less than two years ago I somehow – I’m saying somehow on purpose because the events that had led to that very encounter just were to unreal and without a former intention couldn’t have been any less … somehowy …

Anyway. I started hanging out in an artist’s office (I don’t dare saying that I started “working” there as I pretty much didn’t know how to do any of that artist’s stuff). I remembered a few bits and pieces I knew how to draw when I was younger. And there I was, a couple of hours later, in front of me the shittiest Batman I’ve seen in all my life.

That feeling of not being able to convert my thought into acceptable-looking drawings made me feel very sick and angry. And somehow (again) that feeling made all my desires to be a doc or a surgeon fade away. Instead I was left with a feeling that was hot and cold at the same time. It kept growing and it still does.

The moment I saw that ugly and absolutely f*cked up sketch I made I knew that this is what I wanted to do with my life. But instead of miserable-looking Batmans I wanted to do something cool, aesthetic, something that evokes feelings in someone else’s heart if he or she looked at the picture.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be one of those artists who take themselves and their works more important than anything else and who think that only by being alive they gave a huge present to mankind. I’m not into that kind of art. My kind of art is illustration and comic.

For the last 2 years I’ve been practising like mad to become good at what I’m doing and by now I’ve reached a level at which I think that it’s alright. Alright isn’t enough! But everyone started at some point, mhm?

So, what I want to do is to share some of my works starting with rather early attempts. You will see that they get better after a while :)

And to start with here’s a watercolor picture. I’m really into that kind of paintings on her skin. 2014_06_14-short

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No matter how much a person I meet ensures me that he or she doesn’t judge people I never really get to believe it.

Let’s be honest, at least for a split second. We all do judge. Wether we want to or not. Same here. I find myself judging way too often. As in judging a stranger before you get to know them. Not when a friend tells you that he did some messed up shit. That’s a different kind of judging – at least to my mind – but that’s also another topic.

Whether it is the middle-aged, big woman with greasy hair and clothes that smell like they haven’t been washed in a long time or the guy who probably is the same age as me but wears all brand clothes, a bigger watch than the new Iphone (not to forget that he owns the latest version) and whose attitude let’s me think of some posh asshole.

At the end of last year I was working out in my local gym and saw that woman working out there too. She wasn’t really pretty, had a bit too much on her hips and didn’t really look as if she cared for her appearance. I caught myself looking at her every now and then and thinking to myself I’m glad that I’m not her.

My thoughts got carried away and I kept doing my workout. Some time later someone tapped on my shoulder. It was that girl. All I thought was Jesus, what the hell does SHE want?!

She spoke with a really nice and caring voice and told me that I was doing the exercise wrongly and that she wouldn’t like to see me with a backache because she usually wouldn’t find the courage to talk to strangers but now forced herself to tell me.

I instantly felt so terrible and ashamed. She was the sweetest person I met that entire week.

After this encounter I set myself the goal to become as close as possible to being not judgmental. And because of that terrible feeling I had that evening (it didn’t go away for a long time) I could stick to that resolution most of the time.

It helped me a lot in my job, especially because I often meet the strangest of people. No matter if they are gaming nerds, science geeks, old and sinister people, confused elderly woman or just people who look as if they don’t care for hygiene the tiniest bit. (Sure that last one really is the hardest, but that’s part all part of not judging.)

I admit that sometimes the thought that ‘d rather don’t want to be around these people comes to my mind but I do my best to silence these kind of thoughts.

Most of the time there always is a reason behind the way these people are or why they look the way they do – sometimes there’s no reason at all.

Since I approached people with this attitude I got to know so many people I wouldn’t have met otherwise – on a second though I really would have liked to have met some of them.

The irony is that those from whom I expected the less of anything mostly turned out to be the kindest and friendliest and sweetest.

The big woman with the greasy hair and the worn-out clothes might have lost her job recently or something even worse might have happened to her. The fella with the brand clothing and the super-rich attitude might have everything that can be bought with money but really is just looking for a true friend or appreciation.

It’s sometimes wicked how our world works. But that is no reason to judge things before we get to know them.


Xx Scarlett

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“We” or “you and me”?

Slowly having turned into a mild workaholic over the last two years a topic that came up more often than I would have liked is the relationship and guys issue.

Over the years I went out with a only few guys but never had any serious relationship. Though this, I dare to say was rather due to the fact that I met a bunch of very stupid individuals. One of them being an addicted and slightly abusive unfortunate soul and another insecure, everyone-else-blaming piece of self-pity who was a little bit too loose with his use of very bad words to call me.

As soon as I started living my job full-time I realised that it changed the way that I see the world. I’m feeling more secure about myself and even though I never was one of the kind to tolerate every bullshit I now am much more straight forward than before. The way I deal with problems has changed also.

So a couple of weeks ago I met a guy who completely differs from all the guys I had seen or dated before. He’s not wallowing in self-pity and he isn’t blaming others for problems that may arise, instead he just starts to look for a way to solve them. Also he is kind and respectful (didn’t encounter that a lot in men before). His career is his first priority (same as mine) and he’s really close with his family and friends. When I’m around him I don’t feel like a kid anymore even though he is five years older than me. It doesn’t get boring around him and on top of everything else he is really good-looking (absolutely not a reason to be or not to be with someone – I firmly believe that what is in your heart is what matters the most!).

Pretty much sounds like boyfriend-material, doesn’t it?

I have that one friend who constantly brings up that very issue. He is so concerned about me being without a man by my side that it slowly started to get ridiculous. He thinks that all the work I’m doing keeps me from having a happy life. I do appreciate his concern since he just doesn’t want me to be unhappy and lonely. (Not mentioning that I’m not even in my twenties – it sometimes gets just too ridiculous)

However, I figured that I actually don’t want to be seeing or dating anyone right now. To be honest, I think that one day it will be awesome to have someone special by your side but for the moment I am good with myself and I.

I just don’t want to spend my time with anything else than what I love most – which would be my work. My friend absolutely doesn’t understand that feeling but as long as it works out for me … I can be happy without someone else and I don’t NEED someone to hold my hand. Frankly, I don’t want to share the experiences I’m currently making with someone else (except for family and friends in same cases, of course). It’s my time, my choices, me. Just me.

Is that really hard to understand? How do you feel about stuff like this?

One day I won’t want this for me anymore but until that day I don’t mind if that discussion can have a rest.

Happily on my own and just dating my job, I’ll leave you for today

Xx Scarlett

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Working !?

It’s been about two months since I started working full-time. For the past year in school I had always been looking forward to that moment because I found the greatest job of them all – or better said: it found me!

I never planned on doing anything that was related to arts – when a girl I knew once told me that the way I dressed and acted made her see me as an artist through and through I couldn’t get over it because I was so appalled. Never did I consider myself to be one of those people I always imagined as excentric, self-centred and having their head in another universe. That’s how I always pictured an artist. Always some kind of posh, feeling better than others and either just arrogant because of the money they make with their artworks or absolutely lost in illusions of fame while they actually struggle to pay their rent.

Turned out I was wrong. Very much so.

Even though I sometimes question my career choice (I guess this is inevitable – no matter which job your doing) but I am very happy with what I’ve chosen to be.

Before he became my “boss” he told me that I will spend most of my life working (apparently) but why not do something I truly like.

A couple of weeks ago as I was writing an application I really had to think about my “hobbies”. I just had a very few things written down and it got me thinking about the stuff I really enjoy doing – turned out that apart from that usual stuff such as friends and family, my job really is one of my biggest hobbies. I don’t know why but even though I already knew that it kind of left me without words … but also with a smile.

I’ve been told that I sometimes behave a little bit excentric (but I have been told for a couple of years now so that isn’t anything new) and I figured that I sometimes do live in another world but I’m giving my best to never become self-centred, ignorant, arrogant, too full of myself or judgemental (more about that in another post).

My friends told me that they’ve never seen me as calmed down and balanced as I now am since I started doing that work. They know that I sometimes live in my own world but instead of judging me for it they decided to be a part of it and show me theirs. All of us discovered that we aren’t as ordinary as others might be (whatever that is supposed to mean) and that we all live in a different world. But hey! That’s brilliant!

Our vision never gets grey or dull – there are always colours and bizarre and strange things. And the most beautiful thing of them all is that “growing up” is not mandatory – just an option. Sure, considering some aspects of life need to be tackled with a certain amount of maturity but everything else is just a matter of choice.

This post already got longer than I planned it to be, so I’ll leave you with this for today and go back to my comic book collection and crayons ;)

Take care!

Posted in Arts (And Related Things), Work | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment