….

I’m slowly getting a little worried. It’s been a couple of month (freaking again!) since I last posted anything (which I wouldn’t consider to be a “proper” post). I’m sorry! Really really am! Yet, it is quite a mystery to me that I somehow keep getting new followers. It’s quite flattering though.

So, basically I’ve been not up to much these days (just finishing school – got an A+ in the preexam of my English class – bazinga!, changing from workplace nummero 1 to No. 2 and 3. Number 3 is really paying off these days – both, financially and in the fun sense of way. I just love it. Then there are my friends, a guy I’m currently dating, some more sports, another project of mine. Oh and did I mention that I’m almost done with school? Believe me it’s the most awesome feeling ever!)

And while I’m currently trying to not feel ashamed from head to heel because I completely neglected my precious little blog I’m also wondering what’s going on in your lives!

I’m not going to write “I promise I’ll write more” because I’m not too sure if I can keep this one in the next couple of days and weeks because it feels like hell lost its shit over my town and everything is just going up and down, up and down, uuuuuup and down. But I will try my best. I’ll try to figure something out to make up for my absence (already have something in mind).

Please take a further of my leaves for now as it is already close to 11 p.m. again (have to get up at 6a.m.) and I haven’t slept much in the last couple of nights.

Good night y’all!

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Birthdays and surprises

Hello everyone!

I apologize for not having posted anything in 2014 but I (as usual) was a little busy. I kind of decided that the laying on the couch all day watching one episode of one of my favorite TV series after another is a little too unproductive for me. And then yesterday we had a big 19th Birthday party, which really was nice!

I usually am not much of a person who celebrates her own Birthday, simply because I don’t really see the reason to celebrate as I haven’t done anything but simply being there – but yesterday, I dare to say,  was one of the greatest Birthdays I have ever had!

First Darah and I were planning on having a girls night out and going “clubbing” on Friday night till Saturday morning. Bot of us, though, we sick on Friday morning. We felt fine on Saturday morning for some weird (and good) reason. She came over and we had a lot of cake and craic. She’s the person I’d refer to as something like a best friend and I was more than happy that she was there. About a year ago none of us would  have been able to imagine the two of us being friends again. Co-exist. Maybe. But not friends. I screwed it. But somehow we’re closer than ever before and even Father Rock has voiced his delight about it a couple of weeks ago.

I was really happy that all of my family were coming around and I was more than satisfied with having those people around me. Even a couple of people I didn’t dare to think that they might remember me called or texted – which felt really nice. Yet, there was that one friend I hoped would remember me. After all what happened and after all what had been said I thought this might be the case. But as I already thought – no call, no text, nothing at all. I don’t give a lot about getting Birthday calls and I now know what to expect from that friend.

HOWEVER. There was also something I most definitely did not see coming. Right before my grandparents arrived there was a knock on the door and when I opened my friend Marilyn with a giant BATMAN cake! A huge black bat on yellow ground.

As far as I remember I have never gotten a surprise Birthday cake (except from my parents and grans) and I was just so damn surprised that she was there .. and that genius Batman cake. That was so awesome.

Later when my grandparents were gone Darah and I went out to meet some of my guy friends out at the pub. We had a lot of fun there, too.

And today, I very much felt like really getting some work done and I actually did (get some work done) – which really does feel nice.

Also I got an email from a friend in America saying that my package finally arrived. We decided to swap books (which I think is a great idea) and the whole thing has been going on since easter as the package I had sent returned to me a couple of times for whatever reasons. Now it finally made it’s way to it’s presupposed destination. And like I promised I finally opened mine (which has been here since the last summer vacation. It was so hard not to peak inside, but a promise is a promise, isn’t it?)

I already started reading the book and it is really good – and very hard to put down!

And when I opened it this little fella also fell out as well! Now my keys shall always be IMG_20140105_171228protected.

Also here’s another picture for you. Did it with my new markers. The original illustration was done by Tom Percival and I just recreated it, nothing to be really proud of but I still feel like sharing. Maybe one of you knows the name of this guy? (He’s a detective.)

IMG_20140104_193352

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Ending the old and starting the new

So, now that it’s getting close to midnight – the last midnight of the old year and the first hours of the new year – I suppose it’s time to finally get my self up to write a little about my resolutions for the upcoming twelve months.

Most my resolutions don’t change as I wouldn’t consider them as proper “resolutions”.

But first I’d like to take a look at my old resolutions:

1. Make someone happy – It’s not about donating everything you have and giving away everything you’re fond of. Some people are happy if you just talk to them. Even if they are strangers, a smile can turn your whole day into a positive experience. (This worked well for me – so I guess I can consider this as “done”)

2. Don’t hurt anyone – It is never nice to hurt a person you love, but it’s any less bad if you hurt someone you don’t love. After all you don’t know how the other person feels. As far as I know – and I don’t know a lot – feelings are a delicate thing that can easily be shattered.
(Worked as in most of the time. There were a couple of misunderstandings and I got a few people quite pissed at me but I regard it as necessary.)

3. Write – I always have these urges that get me writing and once I ignore them for longer than a week they start to form voices in my head that only shut up if I start writing eventually. I have more stories in my mind than I have thoughts to put them in and the time to write them down.

(Nah – no. Not really. Not even one short story. Well. Yes. Lot’s of stories but only in my head and not on paper.)

4. Be satisfied with the things I have and do – there are people that have got far less than I do. Also I should only do the things that satisfy me. If I don’t like the things I am doing – who else is supposed to like it? It’s not about living life to the fullest or – how it is called nowadays YOLO – this might only result in teenage pregnancy and the loss of beloved ones (generally speaking). It’s about being pleased with the things I did myself and being proud of my own work.

(Definitely, YES. Changed my entire plans for the future which I actually was building up for the past 5-10 years. COuldn’t have done anything better though. And also I’m a little surprised that this word “yolo” is already out there in the world and being used by several people I know for more than a year – it’s a disgrace to the beauty of words.)

Looking at my old resolutions I don’t really feel like adding much more.Here my new ones:

1.) Try to make at least one person smile each day.

2.) Focus on things that really matter to me and go for them (without stopping myself with lame excuses – I guess everyone can kind of relate to that).

3.) Get my freaking Leaving Cert (I guess I’ll make it).

4.) Get to know as many people as possible from all over the world ( I love meeting new people.)

5.) Visit home. ( I guess I should explain this a little more. In German we have two different words that both mean “home”. I’ll try to explain the little difference, though. I hope it’ll make sense. One would be “Heimat” which generally refers to the country/ city you were born in. Like a place that you will forever know as the place from where you came and in most cases go back to at some point. The second meaning would be “zu Hause” which rather refers to the place you made your home – this might be your new apartment or new house, new town or country .. whatever. It’s that place you’re connected with because you want to be, a place you’ve chosen to be your home.

And I really want to go back to my chosen home – the most beautiful country of them all – sweet, green Ireland. And I will go there this year. It’s been almost over 3 years. Time to go home.)

With a little less than an hour to go I’m wishing you a happy New Year. Wherever you are, I hope you’re having a beautiful time starting the new year!

~ Scarlett

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Midnight after midnight

Heya there!

Shortly after midnight once again. I guess that’s getting a habit now.

I’m sorry that I didn’t make it to write something decent yesterday. I was celebrating an 18th birthday with some friends and kind of got home at around half 4 a.m. I didn’t feel like writing a lot after several hours of dancing.

The whole thing started of as a rather relaxed evening with about 13 people just sitting around a table and ended up in 6 people jumping and dancing to loud music. I was the only one who hadn’t had a drop of alcohol and was the one who danced and laughed the most. To Carter (his birthday) and Lenn felt a little irritated because they usually don’t experience me having so much fun at parties  but in all honesty … that mostly depends on the people one’s with, doesn’t it?

Had a lot of fun, danced until the first birds started singing, someone proposed to me and the food was good.

But seriously .. something seems to be seriously wrong with either me or the people I meet .. or it seems to get a new “typical” party-activity to propose to someone. So, I kinda started my year with a proposal and end it with one. In between there has only been one further.

Besides I started working on one of my New Year’s resolutions: Make that blog nice .. or at least look nice.

Here’s one of the first few sketches I might somehow turn into a proper illustration for this place. IMG_20131227_235420

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I guess it’s better to keep it short today, as I have to work tomorrow and should catch up on some of last night’s sleep. Have good night.

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That other kind of love …

It’s close to midnight – once again!

And here I am, listening to some music, feeling my fingers itch because I kind of still have that need to be creative (in whatever way, it just so doesn’t matter anymore) and thinking about love.

Not really about love as in “I love you” but about love in general. Even though it sounds cheesy love really is kind of everywhere.

But I think it’d be easier for you to get what I mean if I start at the beginning of my train of thought. Here it comes.

I just came home with my family after seeing my over all favourite book ever. “The Physician” by Noah Gordon. It’s just a made up story – I know – but the feelings and emotions it deals with have caught me from the very first page up to now.

The movie itself differs a lot from the book but I still really liked it because it contained those emotions that I loved best about the book. For those who haven’t read the book: It’s about the English Christian boy Robert J. Cole who loses his mother at a very young age about 1000 after Christ. He then lives with a barber-surgeon, travels the country and learns some medical techniques that were common in europe at that time. He then meets a jew who tells him about the greatest medico of his time who lives in Isfahan, a city far away from England. Rob gives up his life to travel for years, pretends to be jewish and challenges the greatest obstacles to learn how to heal people. He has that gift which allows him to know if someone is close to death by touching that person. He steps over the boundaries of that time, examines dead bodies and studies until he falls asleep over his notes for the sake of being able to heal.

So, in this story Rob’s love for his, let’s call it talent makes him go beyond his own limits. It’s that dedication, that fierce and intense emotion that makes the story that beautiful. He gives everything he has for a little piece of satisfaction.

I guess this book was one of the reasons why I always wanted to study medicine. It has always been an intriguing topic and it always seemed like this was the way I was presupposed to go (I dissected hedgehogs before I was able to write properly). Over the last years I gave every energy I had to get the marks that are required to get into med school.

But for some reason I felt that dedication that fueled me for the past .. let’s say 13 years .. it just faded. Slipped away. Even though I was trying to force it back it just vanished bit by bit. Instead that weird idea made it’s way into my head.

I’m still very interested in medicine and if I had another life to live I’d probably go for it as well.

However, that idea became much more present in all of my thoughts and then I made a small attempt just to see how it felt like. And I failed. I failed and decided to rely on my plan to be a doctor sometime in the future. But by then all dedication and motivation was gone. Erased. Instead I felt that huge pressure that this was the way it HAD to be. I’m not much of a religious person but this was when I voiced one of the few prayers that came from the bottom of my heart. I remember it very well as it was just that one sentence.

Give me a sign.

That was it. And then I waited. Waited. Waited.

Well, it isn’t that long ago that everything changed and I think it’s important that I always remember that feeling.

Maybe half a year I was waiting for something to change. Or a sign to show up. Maybe someone taking me by the hand saying “you need to go there”. That weird idea kept mingling with others thought but I remembered my failed attempt and remembered how it felt to look at that huge pile of work that seemed like the Olympus. Also this path didn’t offer any security for me, no way to say I’d have enough money to get by or to pay my bills.

I waited. And for someone who is close to do her Leaving Cert I got nervous as the only option I allowed myself to look at made me feel trapped and .. it just felt wrong.

Of course, there are plenty of other people out there about to leave school who don’t have a clue what to do next but for me this was the most terrifying feeling I ever got to know.

And then, one evening after coming home from band practise I was to lazy to make myself a sandwich and decided to visit that party I wasn’t too sure about attending because of some stuff I had to do and I also didn’t really feel like going to. But I was hungry.

And then everything changed. My dad made a joke. That joke became a phone call, two weeks later I introduced myself to someone else and I was taken by the hand.

It still feels like the Olympus for me to conquer but now I have a flying horse. I met some of the great Gods and found what I had tried to get back by all my means.

I’m not saying that I have the same gift as Rob Cole – by no means can I heal people. But I do know how dedication feels like. And I do know how it feels to cross borders and go beyond my own limits. In the past 5 months I did it again and again and again.

This love, this fierce and powerful feeling that provides me with so much courage and strength … it’s just incredible. And I really do hope that everyone, no matter how old or where he or she lives, feels this love at least once in his or her life.

In my case I found the perfect job. I certainly don’t know what my future holds but I know in which direction it’s going and even though it won’t be medicine just as I thought for more than a decade I don’t mind taking that risk. It just feels right.

I sometimes heard people who are getting married saying: “The moment I met I knew he/she was the one.”

I might not know a lot about the love between so called soul mates, but about this other kind of love I do know.

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Merry Christmas

Heya out there!

I hope all of you had a very nice and beautiful Christmas with your family and friends. I surely had a couple of awesome days which include insane amounts of food (which one the one hand is good but on the other hand it always leaves me with cleft thoughts … it already feels like I put on at least 5 extra pounds .. and also there are so many people out there who don’t have anything to eat).

However, I had a nice time with my family. It actually is the most important thing about Christmas to me – spending time with my beloved ones. Sure, I don’t mind getting presents ( … actually I kind of do … for some weird reason) .. got some copic markers (yeahy!) and some money to safe for a graphic tablet.

Even though almost every family meeting ends up in people fighting over insignificant shit and at least someone being cross at someone else but I suppose that we aren’t the only family out there in which family meetings look like this.

Well, after all it still is the family spirit that keeps everyone together even if it’s just on Birthdays, Christmas and Easter.

And I seriously was trying my best to be a good kid and ate every meal that I was served … (which explains the feeling of weighing 5 pounds more.)

And now that Christmas is over I already made some arrangements for me to get work (I give private lessons to younger kids – usually English only but apparently I’m also doing German lessons .. which is fine).

I love to relax, just sitting on the couch, watching a movie or even not leaving my bed until lunch … but for some reason the urge to do nothing never lasts longer than 3 days max. I don’t know. I once was called a workaholic by Serazin (a good friend) and I guess it’s kind of true. Yet, and by all means (!), it does not mean that I can’t be lazy. To be honest I sometimes can be lazy as fuck, e.g. when it comes to studying for my (final) FINALS!

I will, though. … Study, I mean. Because of that damn scholarship for that academy I’m planing to apply for.

Well, now that Christmas is over we’re heading straight to New Year’s Eve, right? And I guess, I’ll just go along with many other blogs and start thinking about my New Year’s resolutions (which by the way, always stay kind of the same .. it’s just the details, that change). So how about you? I’d love to hear about some of your ideas for the new year (:

Take care!

 

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Reputation, Riches and Honour

Am I the only one who already started eating like mad even though it’s not Christmas yet?

Seriously. For the past 2 weeks I have been to so many Christmas parties and diners that I slowly start to think that I shouldn’t be able to walk right through my very own door anymore.

Since Easter I lost about 15 pounds because I started working much more and I tried to put on some muscles. Well, I got this going for me but currently I am just a christmas party hopper. Food. It’s everywhere. Even right now I am noshing some chocolate after bein over to a friend whose mom made some delicious pre-christmas diner. Damn it you calories!

Tomorrow would be a christmas party free day but on Sunday my family and I will have some huge breakfast with their old friends … Food.

Yet, I really am pleased with the current situations as today was the last day of school in 2013. Also I did a good job at work today which leaves me quite satisfied and motivated.

The thing with my job …  (like the real job. The childcare and guitar teaching job is just a job I accepted because there was no other way for an 16 year-old girl to get that kind of money that fast. I did stick with it though because I got really fond of the kids and well .. But that other job again is my real job. And yes, you might remember that I still go to school but that doesn’t mean that I can still have a proper half-time job, right? It actually is job I will be doing and I really want to be doing for the rest of my life – I guess I got that going for me as well).

However, I just love that job and I already got used to that repeating pattern of being left in utterly euphoric motivation and complete desperation. It always works like this. At the beginning of the week things work out pretty good but then at the end of the week once I’m dealing with a new topic I’m left completely shattered. This is being followed by a weekend of studying, problem-solving and practise and then I’m good to go for Mondays.

This is sometimes feels a little bit shitty but all in all I can say that it leads to a great improvement of my skills and I really get to learn a lot. So, I got this going for me as well.

Today, I had a brief conversation with a client and I came to the conclusion that it’s a good sign if people tell you they like to pay you. (By the way, I’m not a prostitute. Just. To. Get. This. Clear.)

To sum it up briefly:

Last day of school – Good.

Great day at work – Great.

Great Diner – Superb.

Chocolate and spirit of Christmas – Awesome.

Have a good night!

 

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Update on some standards

Let’s get this restarted!

Heya my friends and fellow bloggers. How was your day?

Mine was pretty .. well let’s say mixed.

School currently is senseless just as always shortly before the holidays and most people behave quite strangely. I’m quite sure there’s a conspiracy going on as the majority of those pleasant contemporaries behave more like 3 year-olds the closer we’re getting to our FINAL finals.

I’ll keep you updated as soon as I find any prove for this theory.

Work is just as usual. I came to the conclusion that the area in which I work has gotten worse than it used to be when I started working there. There have been countless robberies and attacks over the last months and some of the kids that come to the childcare centre in which I work were telling stories about a series of attempted sexual violations and even a rape (this, though, is a rumor that’s spreading – like, it wasn’t confirmed by the police or any newspapers… but still).

It’s kind of scary and it worries me because those kids usually roam around and their parents don’t mind them being outside even when it’s dark.

In general this town isn’t that bad after all. Currently there’s a higher number of thieveries but usually it’s quite safe around here (where I live. Not where I work). Do you life in a rather dangerous area? Or do some of you life in areas that seem like those perfect areas like they are shown in movies – where every neighbour visits for a chat every now and then, with neighborhood festivals and stuff?

But let’s move on to a lighter topic.

Christmas is less than a week from here and I still don’t have all the presents I wanted to get for my family .. which is a little … well it interferes a little with my time schedule but nevermind. I’m used to that. To be honest I have rarely been so looking forward to Christmas. This might sound a little bit like a cliché but seriously, I am really happy to have my whole family come together and spend some time with them. Over the last months I was working a lot and now I am just glad that I have some time to catch up with them. That seriously is the best gift I am getting for Christmas. Besides, I feel like I already have everything someone could ask for. Like, I’m almost done with school, found the most perfect job for me, discovered some talents and got rid of unwanted baggage.

How about you? What are you wishing for Christmas?

 

 

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So what …

I suppose it is obvious that I haven’t been very present in the blogosphere for the last couple of months and I think it is void from the beginning to mention that I am sorry about that.

Let me just give you a quick insight of my current life:

Whenever I am about to finish another step on that seemingly giant ladder that leads to success, I somehow always feel like having to go on and on and on. Maybe you know that feeling .. like you tell yourself that you will definitely take a break once you are finished with whatever you were doing but once you actually are done you feel so euphoric and energized that you just can’t any different but to take the next step .. or ladder spoke.

Since it is almost Christmas things cooled down a little but well..

However -  and what I really want to say by telling you this – I’ll give my best to write more.

To be honest: I missed it!

I so freaking missed writing. Just a couple of weeks ago I had a chat with some friends and we decided to refer to this kind of problem as an “occlusion of creativity”. I believe that many of you know that feeling. You have so much to talk about and you really want to write your heart out but you just can’t find any time at all. And thus all these words and sentences come together inside your mind and they keep becoming more and more and more and  AHHHHHHH!

It just is a dread sometimes.

So if you are really unlucky you might get to suffer under my “writing diarrhoea” which would be a result of the occlusion of the previous months.

(I, by the way, hope that you weren’t eating while reading this and if you were I do hope that you don’t mind reading about things such as occlusion and diarrhoea.)

There actually are a couple of things I really feel like wanting to write about quite detailed, so here’s a rough hint about what I will be writing about in the next few days and weeks.

1) School & everyday life (let’s stick to some standards, which might got a little more exciting that I imagined in the beginning, though)

2) The beauty of arts (which is much more exciting than it sounds right now)… and in how far Batman is involved.

3) The intriguing beauty of the human mind (and how easily it can be fooled and twisted and …  I’ll tell you more about it later).

I guess that should do for now. I’ll leave you with this, have a nice day and keep smiling. Christmas is coming up, be nice to others.

Scarlett loves you ;)

P.S.: Almost forgot .. Please feel always free to comment and let me hear your thoughts. A blog gets so much nicer if there’s some communication!

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Changes & Straying Dogs

As of lately I was a little bit occupied with a couple of other things which is the reason why I happened to not use this blog for 4 months (and now I’m feeling bad).

I did receive a couple of mails and comments in which some of you were asking if I ok or in general still alive (your concern is very sweet- I appreciate it very much) – but as you can see: I am.

Very much actually.

The cause of my absence is of a quite happy origin (I will go into a little more detail in the next couple of days). But beside school – finally my last year -, work, friends and  boyfriend (yes, this is new) I decided to change my entire plans for the future.

It’s working out pretty good.

But enough about that. I have been (repeatedly) told that my humor got (even) more sarcastic – which by no means that I am bitter ( I have been told this one, too). I have no reason to be bitter at all. Just wanted to drop a little warning here.

The main question that you guys might possibly have: Does anything interesting happen to that girl or should I better entertain myself doing something else than reading this.

The Answer: Hell, no. You better stay here.

Just a couple of hours ago I was attacked by a dog – If this isn’t interesting enough for you, I can’t think of anything else that floats your boat.

So I was just walking Rupert (my dog – a german shepherd mix, a little smaller than a real german shepherd) and we were just after passing the nursing home next door when that giant thing came running at us.

I turned around to see if it was running towards it’s owner (as it had no lead and it was running quite fast). Well, there was no one …

I looked back at the dog and watched it speeding up baring it’s teeth as it came closer. It looked at me and Rupert and started growling (I felt a little … let’s say puzzled, because just imagine that you’re taking your dog for a nice little walk, listening to some music and suddenly a giant, black dogs is running towards you without a particular reason … especially disturbing was the fact that it already came running around the corner and was aiming at us as if it had been given the briefing to tear us down.

For a split second Rupert clearly didn’t know what he should do and he backed away a little. The black giant reached us and immediately started to try to bite him, making a noise as if the firmament was breaking down in thunder. He bit Rupert (don’t worry, nothing happened, no blood, no scratches) and tried to drag him away from me.

Thinking back I guess that it might have been slightly stupid but I pushed the black dog away and grabbed Rupert to shove him aside. I was standing right between them and the black one came closer to bite me instead. I don’t know why but instead of backing away I stepped closer to it and growled at it (it must be said that it was a damn fine proper growl …). Its eyes widened and it flinched. Still growling it came closer again and I just kept coming closer too (still growling).

And all of a sudden it turned around and ran off.

I looked at Rupert and I swear to God, if he was able to talk he would have said what the hell?!

I then noticed a lady from the nursing home staring at me with big eyes. “Are you alright?” (Her face was priceless – as if I was some kind of alien.)

I gave her a big smile. “Never felt better”. And then Rupert and I continued our walk.

To be honest – after you read this you might get the impression that I’m making this up – Ladies and gentlemen, I shit you not. It really happened.

I do speak the language of wild, black and giant dogs that run around in my town. Bazinga.

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